Worst. Day. Ever.

Don't leave me, Pet #1!

Hello, Winston Watchers. I regret to inform you all that Pet #1 got the promotion and will not be spending as much time with me. 😦 Words cannot even describe the absolute devastation that I feel right now. My tiny puppy heart aches so badly. I prayed every night that she wouldn’t get it, but clearly her prayers took precedence over mine. PSSHHHH. She better not neglect my blog! I have become increasingly dependent upon sharing my life with complete strangers, and without Pet #1’s fingers, I can’t accomplish that. All I can do is scamper across the keyboard in hopes of typing something intelligible.  The backspace key is big enough for me to paw at it, but nevertheless, it is still a tedious task that I would prefer to have Pet #1 do for me. EVIL PLAN ALERT! We must ban together to sabotage this new promotion. I can chew up all of her work shoes so she is late and unprepared! Or I can ingest some ibuprofen… I heard that isn’t good for dogs. Then she would have to quit so she could constantly be there to hold my paw while I recover at the animal hospital. Or I could just forget all aforementioned plans to dupe Pet #1 and congratulate her with my tongue in her nostrils instead. I apologize for the momentary relapse in judgment. I forgot that Pet #1 making more money=more treats, toys, bones, and precious outfits for Winston! From the bottom of my miniature, fun-size heart, I’m proud of you, Mommy (Yes, I’m calling her mommy due to the extreme guilt I feel from those villainous voices in my head). On top of all of this promotion twaddle, I miss my friends from the “big city.” I slip into a post-visit funk after my travels. I sleep more than usual and Pet #1 tells me that I have night terrors. The abrupt loneliness really takes a toll on me. Don’t get me wrong… I have Howard and he’s been a phenomenal companion, but he’s certainly not my own kind. He can’t be out of the freezer for longer than 15 minutes and I strongly dislike being cramped into such a small space. The freezer is far too dark and cold for my liking! And not to mention it smells like hot pockets and frozen waffles in there, but I digress. My relationship with Howard is comparable to all of those vampire/human relationships you see in the movies and on television these days. We’re from two very different worlds, yet we share such a sacred bond. Only time will tell if our friendship will flourish or flop. Wow, blogging is better than therapy! I just worked through all of my feelings in a matter of minutes!