A Stranger in the Watering Hole

Hello, Wistonians. I must admit that I am in a state of shock right now. Pet #1 did a horrible thing to me tonight. It was so terrible that I wasn’t even sure I could share it with you all, but being a celebrity (yes, I am a celebrity in the canine world–just ask your dogs about me) means that your life is an open book, so here goes… Pet #1 was in the “watering hole” (or shower, as the humans call it) and I was sandwiched between the watering hole curtain and the clear curtain, per usual. I don’t particularly enjoy being submerged in water, however I absolutely love to lick the water beads off of my pets’ skin. From time to time, one of my pets will scoop me up and pull me in, but that wasn’t the case today… As I was patiently waiting in the wings for a drizzling limb to come my way, I saw what appeared to be a strange man in my pets’ watering hole. I saw the ugliest creature with mud on its’ face. And mind you, Pet #1 is a female, so you can only imagine the thoughts that were running through my head. Did I miss something? Did someone break in and abduct Pet #1? Am I the worst guard dog ever? I began barking, growling, snarling, and doing just about anything I could to intimidate said stranger in my watering hole. This went on for about 2 minutes while the mysterious mud-faced man laughed hysterically at me. He closed the curtain and I had a few seconds to regain my composure and figure out what the heck was going on. When the curtain opened again, I saw my beautiful pet. I was hesitant at first, but after I was one-hundred percent sure it was her, I began licking her face, as she was crouched over the ledge. Pet #1 then explained what face masks are and how they make her feel pretty. Whatever. I have banned face masks in our home now.

A Day in the Life of Winston

A midday nap on the couch

Hello, Watchers! It seems that every time I post, I’m apologizing for not posting enough. And I’m always blaming my pets for their “busy” lives. If only they could walk a day in my paws. Then they could see what busy really means. I wake up and groom Pet#1 for a good 15 minutes. I lick her nostrils, every inch of her face, and any “owies” she has (my saliva could cure cancer, I swear!). Shortly after, we exchange massages/scratches. She rubs my belly, behind my ears, and occasionally the inside of my ears. It feels soooo good. Then I nuzzle and drape my body over hers–just to show her I love her and that I’m the boss! All of the love exhausts me and I go back to bed in her arms while we wait for Pet #2 to wake up. Once he’s awake, I go into crazy mode and run laps around the apartment at full speed, while simultaneously growling. I’m sure the neighbors love it! At this point in the day, we go on a walk around the complex, where I sniff other dogs’ bums and mark my territory. This is my apartment complex! After we get home, it’s back to lollygagging around. As soon as the sun hits that perfect spot in the sky, I lay in my patch of sunshine that makes my puppy fur so warm. My pets love when I’ve been sleeping for an extended period of time because I smell like a Dorito when I’m warm (or as Grandpet Trace calls it, “Frito feet”). This activity can go on for hours, depending on the amount of activity going on around me. If there is any sudden movement, I immediately follow whichever pet has caused the commotion and bite at their ankles. I’m only one year old, so I haven’t completely shaken the bad puppy habits yet. I continue all of this until my pets leave for work and then the fun begins! And by fun, I mean snoozefest. All I do is sleep in my little puppy bed. My pets just recently bought me a new one and it’s so soft! As soon as Pet #1 arrives home, she lets me out and lies on the ground so I can attack her with puppy kisses (and try to reach her brain, of course, but I’m still not getting very far with my tongue in her nostrils. Perhaps I should try through her ears instead? I digress…)! Fast forward a few walks later, and we’re all in bed, ready to do it again the next day. And now you can see how busy and fulfilling my life is… Too bad my pets don’t see it that way!

My new puppy bed! So warm and cozy!

Nibbling Pet #1's hand while sunbathing in my patch of sun is one of my favorite pasttimes.

Howard & the Hot Pockets

The day I got my pets... They think it's the other way around, but what do they know?

Hello, everyone! I am happy to inform you that my attorneys at Kibble, Rawhide, & Associates have successfully gotten me out of my confidentiality agreement with Howard, the penguin that subleases my freezer. Apparently, Mr. Popper kicked him out of his home because he was battling an addiction to hot pockets. He had since gotten “clean,” however the abundance of hot pockets here sent him over the edge. My poor pets have had to give up one of their favorite, yet extremely unhealthy foods just to help Howard out. But the addiction is only the beginning of his troubled story… I received a phone call in the middle of the night and had to pick Howard up from penguin jail. He broke into Chloe the Corgi’s house (you know, the pup in our apartment complex that I’m completely in love with) and attempted to eat her hot pockets. The car ride home was not pretty–his beak was still covered in tomato sauce from the meatball and mozarella hotpockets. Now, it is still unknown whether or not anything happened between the two. I clearly cannot trust him at this time, however I haven’t given up on him yet. He’s a good guy and I am thinking about starting a penguin rehabilitation center to help all hot pocket-addicted penguins. I’ll send Howard your well wishes as he recovers, but he probably won’t be too happy that I shared this with you all. I, on the other hand, am doing particularly well. My pets have been very good to me lately and I have been making an effort to behave better! I also found a really neat website that I wanted to share with you: www.citizencanine.co.uk

Last Easter with Uncle Skippy.

Long Overdue…

Bumble Bee Shenanigans

A trip to the vet where I met a three-legged kitty!

Hello, friends! I apologize for the leave of absence. We had quite a busy week. Or two. Pet #1 has been so needy lately. I understand being stressed out at work, but I can only solve so many problems. She needs to leave her issues at “the office” and focus more on me and transcribing my blog. Although Pet #1 has had her head stuck in the sand, she did manage to win me some new friends in one of those claw machines–two pink bunnies, to be exact. And while I’m not too keen on the color, I am rather fond of their little cotton tails and button noses! I hope to be able to share more with you in the near future! Be prepared for a big scandal regarding Howard! Coming soon to a computer near you! That is, if my lawyer can get me out of the confidentiality agreement I signed upon Howard’s tenancy.