Chicken Bones, New Additions, & Jubilees

Pet #1 and me at my grandpets’ house

Sleeping in Pet #1’s purse… Driving makes me sleepy!

Hello, Winston watchers… If there are any still out there! Life has been extremely chaotic, with chicken bone scares and the anticipation of a new cousin. I was, however, able to visit my canine friends up north last weekend and it was quite a doozy, per usual. We barked, played, fought over rawhides, and overall, made a lot of mischief. My grandpets are still recovering, from what I hear. But the real reason for our adventure was to spend time with Auntie Em and the tea-cup human growing inside of her! I must admit that I’m a tad bit jealous of baby Rosalie. I would give my favorite hump toy to feel that cozy again! But I digress… Moving along to more newsworthy information, I ate an entire chicken wing and scared the poop out of my pets. I was constipated for two days, but I didn’t let the splintering bones travelling through my tiny body bring me down. I remained the same, hyper pup I have always been and I digested every last bone. My doctor likes to call me “the canine garbage disposal” because I try to eat just about everything with a scent including, but not limited to: band-aids, q-tips, toilet paper, plastic, popsicle sticks, and lots of hair. I’m genuinely surprised that I don’t cough

Uncle Skippy AKA “antique puppy” — he’s at least 16 years old!

Piggy-back ride on Pet #2

Snoozing with Pet#1

up hairballs with the excessive amounts of both my own hair and my pets’ hair that I ingest. Apparently, brother Bentley is the same way. Now, on to the next topic because I’ve gotten a lot of flack from my dog friends about this: Why wasn’t I present at The Queen’s Diamond Jubilee? Well, I was invited, just so we’re clear. We all know that she nursed me back to health from her own bosom and subsequently knighted me. We are still extremely close and exchanged emails throughout the entire celebration, but for those of you non-believers: “Congrats, Elizabeth! I wish I could have been with you during this special time. Love Always, Sir Winston Talbott I” (She absolutely hates to be called “Liz,” just like my own mother.) Anywho, the reason I was not in attendance was because I’m not old enough to travel alone and my pets had to work. So, please stop giving me guff about it!

 

Winston vs. Mr. & Mrs. Roach

Sometimes I sleep in the laundry basket… That way I can scare off intruders who try and enter the closet!

Hello, Winstonians. I apologize for my brief absence. The only one to blame is Pet #1 for being irresponsible, as I have been bombarding her with new ideas for my blog for nearly 2 weeks! If only I could type… I suppose the last couple of weeks haven’t been very exciting anyway. My family up in “the big city” is itching to see me because I’ve missed some pretty big events in their lives (I’m talking to you, Joshua and Jason– Congrats on such a great season)! We fully intend on coming up in the near future and we can only imagine the adventures that will follow. Enough with the boring stuff and onto the exciting tiff between the vicious cockroach(es) and yours truly. Only one man made it out alive and judging by the fact that I’m telling this story, it’s safe to assume that would be me. Anyway, Pet #2 decided to do a little spring cleaning in Pet #1’s closet (while she was at work, mind you). I knew she would be pretty miffed that we were pilfering through her beloved articles of clothing, but someone had to do the job. Upon our closet raid, we discovered Mr. & Mrs. Cock A. Roach. It appeared that the couple had set up shop in Pet #1’s closet. They made a bed in one of her shoes and had probably been surviving on that piece of string cheese she left in her purse 2 years ago. Thank heavens that we found them before they had decided to procreate, but I digress. After seeing such a monstrosity, I immediately went into attack mode. I am the only creature living in this joint and by golly, I will do anything to keep it that way! As soon as the happy couple realized that we had discovered their humble abode (complete with home furnishings, such as a chaise lounge and coffee table made out of various articles of clothing and shoes), they went on the offensive and charged me! I wrangled them into the corner and pierced their miniature ears with my wailing howls. My clamor couldn’t hold them in the corner for much longer and I looked to Pet #2 for backup. He was standing behind me with a can of Raid, cocked and pointed at the couple. “Winston, back away,” he calmly demanded. In that moment, I so badly wanted to be the hero, but this fight was just too big for me. I retreated to the kitchen to watch from the wings as Pet #2 doused the evil pair to their deaths. And to answer the question in all of your heads, yes. We have since been exterminated and are looking forward to living in a pest-free home.

Cinco de Mayo Chihuahua Races

TEAM WINSTON

Ladies and gentleman, I regret to inform you that my races did not go as I had expected… The following is a play-by-play of my experience.

9:55a.m. We arrive at the park that is hosting the Chihuahua Races and check in. I’m in the second heat, so we don’t have much time to warm up.

9:57a.m. I urinate on a man in a wheel chair.

10:00a.m. The first heat races and we watch from the sidelines.

10:01a.m. I provoke a massive pitbull and scare my pets half to death.

Pet #2 and me at the starting line

10:03a.m. Pet #2 holds me at the starting line, while crazy Pet #1 is flailing about a few yards away. I’m distracted by her odd behavior and her ridiculous outfit.

10:04a.m. A new distraction… I begin flirting with the girl next to me, but both of our pets are holding us, so all we can do is wiggle in their arms.

10:05a.m. GOOOOOO! I hear Pet #1 yelling my name, but all I want to do is sniff this girl’s bum. We follow each other in circles, as the rest of the chihuahuas cross the finish line. Finally, my girlfriend and I make it across, but we didn’t qualify for the next round.

10:07a.m. Pet #1 is a sore loser and cries over the loss. “I was so sure he’d win,” she says repeatedly, shaking her head.

10:08a.m. I urinate on an innocent man propped against a tree.  Pet #1 quickly tries to reassure the man by saying, “he’s never done this before! I’m so embarassed.” Pet #2 has to turn away to stifle his erratic giggles.

As you can see, this day certainly did not go as planned. It only lasted a measly 10 minutes, but the babes made it worthwhile! And not to mention, I was the cutest dog there… However, I assure you that I’m just getting warmed up… We’ll get ’em next year!

Sir Winston “Speedy Gonzales” Talbott

Who is this crazy lady?! Oh, I forgot...

Hello, Winstonians! We’re literally days away from the big Chihuahua Race! Here in our neck of the woods, we’re pretty excited! How about you? I’ve been extensively training with Pet #2 and I believe that I’m ready to kick those other dogs’ fannies! Here’s the plan for the big race:

Pet #2 will be releasing me. This means he will be pumping me up with positive feedback and coaching me through this. A few “the chubby white chihuahua plays dirty, so if he tries to cut you off, run on the inside of the skinny black chihuahua”or “there will be females in heat and they know they can use it to their advantage. No matter what they try, Winston, do not stop running. Do not mount the other chihuahuas.” Following Pet #2’s sweet nothings, he will pour water on my face, just like the movies, of course, and subsequently remove my robe. I also imagine there will be an announcer who will nickname me Sir Winston “Speedy Gonzales” Talbott. We’ll hear a roar of laughter from the crowd at his clever attempt to somehow tie my Mexican roots into my nickname. After the crowd dies down, the gun will fire and off we will go! Pet #1 will be waiving a treat in the air at the finish line, doing everything in her power to lure me as quickly as possible. “TREAT!!! TREEEEEAAAAATTTT!!!!!,” her tiny lungs will scream. I will react as I typically do, and run like the wind! Repeat this scenario multiple times as I win each heat, and that’s exactly how this day will turn out. I will win that Golden Chihuahua… And if I don’t, my pets better buy me one.

The Golden Chihuahua

Pawing at my cherry eye... Don't look at meeee!

Hello, Winstonians! I have both good and bad news…Let’s get the bad news out of the way. My “cherry eye” is back, which means that I probably need to have surgery. I’m not in pain or anything, but it is quite irritating to have a huge lump blocking my enormous eyeball. Now, the good news! And let me tell you, it’s exciting! On Cinco de Mayo, I will be participating in the 5th Annual Chihuahua Races! Pet #1’s boss was finally good for something when he informed her of said event this evening. We’re all signed up and training starts tomorrow! We will be doing intense sprints throughout the complex as well as weight training with rawhide bones (cue “The Eye of the Tiger” music). I will prevail! I have no doubt in my mind that I can beat out all of those other wimpy pups and bring home the coveted “Golden Chihuahua!” The only downfall is that one of the prizes is obedience lessons! Apparently they haven’t met me yet because I am clearly the most well-mannered Chihuahua in the world, although my pets would disagree. Anyhow, wish me luck! I will keep you all updated on my training!

My intimidation stare... Don't mess with the best!

The Attempted Murder of Sir Winston Talbott

Soaking wet after Pet #1 let me walk into the jacuzzi!

The past week has been quite interesting, to say the least. I’m completely convinced that Pet #1 is planning my demise and I have sufficient evidence to back this theory up. We all know about the beef jerky incident, but it didn’t end there… What was supposed to be a fun weekend with my furry canine friends in the big city turned into a near death experience. Pet #1 and Auntie Em were watching my cousins swim, but this whole “swimming” thing was undiscovered territory for me. Although I was still on my leash, I walked right into the jacuzzi! My entire body was immediately engulfed in water and I had no idea what to do. Thank GOD my puppy instincts kicked in and I began to paddle my little legs. Pet #1 pulled me

Playing with Uncle Frances

out right away, but it could have easily just been for show. After all, there were several witnesses present. She let me enjoy the rest of our time in the “big city” with my buddies, but nearly 48 hours later, she was at it again. For reasons beyond my knowledge, Pet #1 decided it would be a good idea to clip my nails (which, mind you, are my only weapon of defense). She clipped one nail successfully; probably to make me feel at ease and safe in her arms before she attempted to take my life, yet again. I honestly didn’t even feel the second clip, but I certainly saw the aftermath of it. I couldn’t believe my tiny bug eyes! I was gushing blood out of my nail and I had no idea why because I hadn’t felt a thing (or at least that’s what I led her to believe since I didn’t even make a peep or show any signs of distress). Pet #1, on the

...After the nail finally stopped bleeding

other hand, reacted much differently. She began crying hysterically and clutching my little paw for dear life–definitely not the actions of a murderess. At that point, I realized that this was an accident and it probably hurt her more than it hurt me. But I’m still going to milk  this for all it’s worth! She’s been overly affectionate and very generous with the dog treats after this incident, and I would like to keep it that way.  I did, however, reap the ultimate revenge by bleeding all over her white shirt, so she probably won’t be trying any more funny business!

Don’t Take Candy/Beef Jerky from Strangers

I'm so sick, I can't even keep my peepers open!

Tummy aches make it hard for me to sit up straight.

Hello Winstonians! The past two days have been absolutely miserable for me. I got into something I wasn’t supposed to and now my belly is suffering the consequences. To be completely honest, I may be considered a cannibal now, but I digress. Two nights ago, Pet #1 came home with a suspicious ziplock bag of “home-made” beef jerky (but really, it looked like owl pellets, almost fur-like). She bought it from the Fed Ex delivery man at her work under the false pretense that he, himself, had made the beef jerky. Now, I have to tell you that this mysterious ziplock bag has been driving me crazy–the smell, alone sends me into a frenzy! Yesterday morning, the baggy was finally within my reach and I did what any curious Chihuahua would do; I ripped it open with my teeth and devoured as much as possible while Pet #1 chased me in circles around the coffee table. I didn’t eat as much as I would have liked, but I had just enough to make me want it even more. And human food has never made me feel so alive! I whined and pawed at the table that was housing the coveted beef jerky to no avail. About 30 minutes later, I gave up and

Burrowed in my pillow fortress.

forgot about the wonderfully delicious bag of salty goodness… Until later that night. I began feeling sick and not like my usual, spry self. I was sleeping in laundry baskets and finding hidden areas to do my business when I typically wait for my W-A-L-K-S (my pets spell everything out, as if I’m a two-year-old child. Hello?! I write my own blog!). This behavior went on all day today as well. I have a horrible tummy ache and I’m even making audible flatulence, which is so not like me! Anywho, Pet #1 had a little “chat” with Mr. Fed Ex about the beef jerky and apparently he LIED! After dodging all of her questions, he finally admitted to buying the jerky in bulk from my homeland, Mexico. And this means that we don’t really know what kind of animals or chemicals were used in the making of the ingested beef jerky, so I may or may not be a cannibal now. I realize that this all sounds extremely shady, but in Pet #1’s defense, she knows the guy fairly well and she thought he was the one making it! And she actually saved me from eating a lot more. It’s not like she was slipping me Chihuahua jerky in my food bowl! So, I vote to give her a break on this one and take the blame, myself.

Easter Eggstravaganza

Hello, Winston Watchers! I have a sad, cautionary tale to share with you this evening. I just caught wind of some devastating news, however it does have a happy ending. I must begin by saying that I am in no way stereotyping the vicious pit bull breed. I am just shedding light on a sad situation that occurred today and hit a little too close to home. Anywho, onto the story. My baby brother, Bentley, was minding his own business today. He just moved into a new abode and is still getting to know his canine neighbors. While exchanging what was thought to be a friendly bum-sniffing hello, a pit bull attacked little peanut-sized Bentley! According to sources, the pit bull had his entire head in its’ mouth. And said pit bull’s pets claim that she terrorizes miniature dogs all the time, “but it’s ok because she never locks her jaw.” It’s ok?! Umm, no, it certainly is not ok to let your dog bully other dogs! I’m really peeved about this and I hope that the pit bull stops pulverizing tiny dogs. And for those wondering if Bentley made it out alive, he did! That Bentley sure is a scrappy fella! He definitely came out on top! That being said, I’m excited to see my friends this weekend for Easter! I sure do miss Abby, Skippy, Doodle, Frances, Pixie, and my beloved Bentley! Word on the street is the pets are going to do an Easter egg hunt just for the pups! And get this, they’re rumored to be filled with treats!! One can only hope this is true.

A Stranger in the Watering Hole

Hello, Wistonians. I must admit that I am in a state of shock right now. Pet #1 did a horrible thing to me tonight. It was so terrible that I wasn’t even sure I could share it with you all, but being a celebrity (yes, I am a celebrity in the canine world–just ask your dogs about me) means that your life is an open book, so here goes… Pet #1 was in the “watering hole” (or shower, as the humans call it) and I was sandwiched between the watering hole curtain and the clear curtain, per usual. I don’t particularly enjoy being submerged in water, however I absolutely love to lick the water beads off of my pets’ skin. From time to time, one of my pets will scoop me up and pull me in, but that wasn’t the case today… As I was patiently waiting in the wings for a drizzling limb to come my way, I saw what appeared to be a strange man in my pets’ watering hole. I saw the ugliest creature with mud on its’ face. And mind you, Pet #1 is a female, so you can only imagine the thoughts that were running through my head. Did I miss something? Did someone break in and abduct Pet #1? Am I the worst guard dog ever? I began barking, growling, snarling, and doing just about anything I could to intimidate said stranger in my watering hole. This went on for about 2 minutes while the mysterious mud-faced man laughed hysterically at me. He closed the curtain and I had a few seconds to regain my composure and figure out what the heck was going on. When the curtain opened again, I saw my beautiful pet. I was hesitant at first, but after I was one-hundred percent sure it was her, I began licking her face, as she was crouched over the ledge. Pet #1 then explained what face masks are and how they make her feel pretty. Whatever. I have banned face masks in our home now.

A Day in the Life of Winston

A midday nap on the couch

Hello, Watchers! It seems that every time I post, I’m apologizing for not posting enough. And I’m always blaming my pets for their “busy” lives. If only they could walk a day in my paws. Then they could see what busy really means. I wake up and groom Pet#1 for a good 15 minutes. I lick her nostrils, every inch of her face, and any “owies” she has (my saliva could cure cancer, I swear!). Shortly after, we exchange massages/scratches. She rubs my belly, behind my ears, and occasionally the inside of my ears. It feels soooo good. Then I nuzzle and drape my body over hers–just to show her I love her and that I’m the boss! All of the love exhausts me and I go back to bed in her arms while we wait for Pet #2 to wake up. Once he’s awake, I go into crazy mode and run laps around the apartment at full speed, while simultaneously growling. I’m sure the neighbors love it! At this point in the day, we go on a walk around the complex, where I sniff other dogs’ bums and mark my territory. This is my apartment complex! After we get home, it’s back to lollygagging around. As soon as the sun hits that perfect spot in the sky, I lay in my patch of sunshine that makes my puppy fur so warm. My pets love when I’ve been sleeping for an extended period of time because I smell like a Dorito when I’m warm (or as Grandpet Trace calls it, “Frito feet”). This activity can go on for hours, depending on the amount of activity going on around me. If there is any sudden movement, I immediately follow whichever pet has caused the commotion and bite at their ankles. I’m only one year old, so I haven’t completely shaken the bad puppy habits yet. I continue all of this until my pets leave for work and then the fun begins! And by fun, I mean snoozefest. All I do is sleep in my little puppy bed. My pets just recently bought me a new one and it’s so soft! As soon as Pet #1 arrives home, she lets me out and lies on the ground so I can attack her with puppy kisses (and try to reach her brain, of course, but I’m still not getting very far with my tongue in her nostrils. Perhaps I should try through her ears instead? I digress…)! Fast forward a few walks later, and we’re all in bed, ready to do it again the next day. And now you can see how busy and fulfilling my life is… Too bad my pets don’t see it that way!

My new puppy bed! So warm and cozy!

Nibbling Pet #1's hand while sunbathing in my patch of sun is one of my favorite pasttimes.