Winston vs. Mr. & Mrs. Roach

Sometimes I sleep in the laundry basket… That way I can scare off intruders who try and enter the closet!

Hello, Winstonians. I apologize for my brief absence. The only one to blame is Pet #1 for being irresponsible, as I have been bombarding her with new ideas for my blog for nearly 2 weeks! If only I could type… I suppose the last couple of weeks haven’t been very exciting anyway. My family up in “the big city” is itching to see me because I’ve missed some pretty big events in their lives (I’m talking to you, Joshua and Jason– Congrats on such a great season)! We fully intend on coming up in the near future and we can only imagine the adventures that will follow. Enough with the boring stuff and onto the exciting tiff between the vicious cockroach(es) and yours truly. Only one man made it out alive and judging by the fact that I’m telling this story, it’s safe to assume that would be me. Anyway, Pet #2 decided to do a little spring cleaning in Pet #1’s closet (while she was at work, mind you). I knew she would be pretty miffed that we were pilfering through her beloved articles of clothing, but someone had to do the job. Upon our closet raid, we discovered Mr. & Mrs. Cock A. Roach. It appeared that the couple had set up shop in Pet #1’s closet. They made a bed in one of her shoes and had probably been surviving on that piece of string cheese she left in her purse 2 years ago. Thank heavens that we found them before they had decided to procreate, but I digress. After seeing such a monstrosity, I immediately went into attack mode. I am the only creature living in this joint and by golly, I will do anything to keep it that way! As soon as the happy couple realized that we had discovered their humble abode (complete with home furnishings, such as a chaise lounge and coffee table made out of various articles of clothing and shoes), they went on the offensive and charged me! I wrangled them into the corner and pierced their miniature ears with my wailing howls. My clamor couldn’t hold them in the corner for much longer and I looked to Pet #2 for backup. He was standing behind me with a can of Raid, cocked and pointed at the couple. “Winston, back away,” he calmly demanded. In that moment, I so badly wanted to be the hero, but this fight was just too big for me. I retreated to the kitchen to watch from the wings as Pet #2 doused the evil pair to their deaths. And to answer the question in all of your heads, yes. We have since been exterminated and are looking forward to living in a pest-free home.

A Day in the Life of Winston

A midday nap on the couch

Hello, Watchers! It seems that every time I post, I’m apologizing for not posting enough. And I’m always blaming my pets for their “busy” lives. If only they could walk a day in my paws. Then they could see what busy really means. I wake up and groom Pet#1 for a good 15 minutes. I lick her nostrils, every inch of her face, and any “owies” she has (my saliva could cure cancer, I swear!). Shortly after, we exchange massages/scratches. She rubs my belly, behind my ears, and occasionally the inside of my ears. It feels soooo good. Then I nuzzle and drape my body over hers–just to show her I love her and that I’m the boss! All of the love exhausts me and I go back to bed in her arms while we wait for Pet #2 to wake up. Once he’s awake, I go into crazy mode and run laps around the apartment at full speed, while simultaneously growling. I’m sure the neighbors love it! At this point in the day, we go on a walk around the complex, where I sniff other dogs’ bums and mark my territory. This is my apartment complex! After we get home, it’s back to lollygagging around. As soon as the sun hits that perfect spot in the sky, I lay in my patch of sunshine that makes my puppy fur so warm. My pets love when I’ve been sleeping for an extended period of time because I smell like a Dorito when I’m warm (or as Grandpet Trace calls it, “Frito feet”). This activity can go on for hours, depending on the amount of activity going on around me. If there is any sudden movement, I immediately follow whichever pet has caused the commotion and bite at their ankles. I’m only one year old, so I haven’t completely shaken the bad puppy habits yet. I continue all of this until my pets leave for work and then the fun begins! And by fun, I mean snoozefest. All I do is sleep in my little puppy bed. My pets just recently bought me a new one and it’s so soft! As soon as Pet #1 arrives home, she lets me out and lies on the ground so I can attack her with puppy kisses (and try to reach her brain, of course, but I’m still not getting very far with my tongue in her nostrils. Perhaps I should try through her ears instead? I digress…)! Fast forward a few walks later, and we’re all in bed, ready to do it again the next day. And now you can see how busy and fulfilling my life is… Too bad my pets don’t see it that way!

My new puppy bed! So warm and cozy!

Nibbling Pet #1's hand while sunbathing in my patch of sun is one of my favorite pasttimes.

Desert Debacle

I hear them calling for me...

Hello, everyone! As many of you know, I live smack dab in the middle of the desert (Tucson, Arizona). I can admit that there are advantages to living in a warmer climate, however I have recently been introduced to the downfalls. For example, sometimes when I’m walking my pets, we see lizards that are as big as I am! And some of them are poisonous! Occasionally, I like to sniff, paw, and urinate on them, despite the fact that they could kill me with just one touch. I’m trailing off now… The real issue I have with living in the desert is the fact that the coyotes (or as I call them, “yotes”) continuously taunt me. As I’m drifting off to sleep at night, I can hear the “yotes” howling as they devour their latest victim. Now, Pet #1 tells me that they are attacking helpless little pups like me, however I know the real truth. The “yotes” are calling me to join their tribe. I can feel it in my bones that I am one of them.

The Big City 2.0

My brother, Bentley and I finally posed for a picture together!

Hello, Winstonians! As many of my readers know, I took a trip up to the “big city” with my pets. My grandpets got hitched and guess who wasn’t invited to the ceremony? Me! Yep, you read that right. I was, however, left in a giant house with no supervision and 6 furry friends so we’ll just call it even… I may have piddled on various pieces of furniture throughout the house, but that’s nothing compared to what I did the night before! Let’s recap the evening of February 21st, 2012. My pets and I drove up to the big city at 11pm, so it was very late when we arrived. I was so excited to see my canine cousins that I couldn’t even bear to be without them for one more second. At approximately 3am, my pets corralled me in a bedroom and attempted to get me to sleep with them. Frances, the Cock-a-Poo, was laying right outside the bedroom door, taunting me to ditch the pets and come play with the rest of the pups. I whimpered continuously until my pets finally felt it necessary to kick me out. That’s when the real party began… I didn’t get one wink of sleep! I would go into detail, but let’s just say that what happens in Glendale, stays in Glendale! BEST DAY EVER! 

Congrats to my grandpets!

My beautiful pets!

Skinny Winny

Disclaimer: That isn't me on those earrings, however the resemblance is uncanny! (Earrings are available for purchase on etsy.com, for those of you interested)

Hello, everyone! I must start off with a sincere apology regarding the negligence of my blog. My pets have been very consumed with their own lives lately and have put me on the back burner. Well, not me, per say, but my blog. Anywho, Grandpet #1 is getting married next week and I’m really excited to see all of my dog friends. I truly miss them all so dearly…except for Abby (Grandpet #1’s lover’s Pomeranian, if that makes sense). She always has ner nose turned up at something. I have been dabbling in yoga in an attempt to shed some lbs. for the big wedding next week, although it has certainly been a failed attempt! My pets have been bribing me with more treats than usual due to my unprovoked outbursts. And seeing as how the neighbor has it out for me, they are constantly trying to shush me with various edible payoffs. Don’t they realize that rewarding bad behavior only leads to more acting out? Perhaps they should enroll me in obedience school… And that’s saying a lot coming from me.

Happy Birthday to ME!

Look at that smile! Nothing can bring me down on my birthday!

Hello, Winstonites! How was your Super Bowl Sunday? I must tell you that I had quite an eventful day planned with Pet #1, but her undying love and devotion to her career has, once again, overridden our beautiful plans together. I only hope she realizes that our time together is limited. However, I won’t let that ruin the fact that today is my 1st birthday and who knows how long I will be around? That’s 7 in dog years! I’m a full blown second grader now, and next year I will be a teenager! Pet #1 used to document my every move (she has every single one of my baby teeth in a jar–creepy much?) and now she’s barely home long enough to read me a bedtime story and tuck me in. Despicable… I have a few choice words for her managers, but I digress. This should be a happy time, as today is such a big milestone in my life. I wish I could be with my brother, Bentley, on our special day! So, happy birthday to both of us on this special day! I can’t wait to tell you all what my pets get me for my birthday!!

Sibling Sound Off

Whaaat?! The coffee table is prime time sunbathing area nowadays! Notice my curly, pig tail?

‘Ello, love! Winston, here. I’ve been enjoying a lovely couple of days with an extended amount of freedom. My time in my “apartment” is seldom, and while I do enjoy the life as a pup on the go, I also miss my dear friend, Howard (one of Mr. Popper’s penguins for you, newbies), and his antics. You see, Pet #2 has been home the past two days for his weekly time off and I have had no boundaries, whatsoever. I have certainly decided who the “fun” parent is… Although I get frightened when  he yells at me because his voice is much deeper than Pet #1’s soft, whisper-like scolding. I hope my pets never get divorced, as that would turn into a nasty custody battle over who would get the golden child (me, of course, even though I don’t have any siblings… yet). Which brings me to my next discussion: My first birthday is right around the corner–February 6th! And for my birthday, I would like a baby brother or sister to share my “apartment” within my pets’ apartment with. Now, I have to tell you that I have struggled with this decision for a while, but seeing my real brother, Bentley, really puts things into perspective. I have made a pro/con list regarding the possibility of a sibling.

Pros: Permanent playmate, a new bum to sniff, someone to nurture, a built-in best friend.

Cons: Sharing my pets, sharing my toys, sharing my food/water, sharing my treats, sharing my bed, sharing ATTENTION, sharing in general, the possibility that my pets won’t love me anymore, sharing HOWARD… Should I even continue this list? Clearly, this is an awful idea, and who am I kidding? I don’t think I will ever be able to give up the role as the prodigal son. LONG LIVE THE GOLDEN CHILD!

Love Thy Neighbor?

Where's Winston? Can you find me buried in my pillow fortress?

Hello, Winstonites. I’m sorry I haven’t updated in a couple of days. I’ve been moping around due to an extremely traumatic event that occurred on the evening of January 30, 2012. It all started with Pet #1 and I enjoying silly YouTube videos and fresh air on our balcony (she took a shower and forgot to close the bathroom door, hence the apartment was hot and murky). Moments later, our neighbor (the weird guy who lives right next to us and only leaves his apartment to go to work–I think he might be addicted to internet pornography, but I’ll get to that another time) comes waltzing down the stairs. His footsteps prompt my nervous Chihuahua “yips” and Pet #1 tries to scoop me up, but her actions are halted by the vicious neighbor’s response. With great disdain in his voice, said neighbor mutters “Shuuut up” (emphasis on the uhhhh). And it wasn’t just an annoyed response to a pup barking at a man having a bad day. It was an I-hear-you-barking-and-whining-every-day-and-I-fantasize-about-killing-you-when-you’re-home-alone response. This man had so much pent-up hostility and aggression that even Pet #1 was terrified. She immediately curled into a ball on the chair so he wouldn’t see her feet dangling and know that she had heard his cruel words. We were truly stunned and still are. My pets and I have been walking on eggshells trying to be quieter now. We realize that we keep late hours and I’m a noisy little puppy, however that is part of being a petowner/pet. I just hope to avoid another run in with the terrifying neighbor. I wonder if he was the mysterious knocker?

The Great Escape

Daydreaming about my long, lost love...

Hello, Winstonians. Hope everyone is doing well! I just wanted to give a quick update on my most recent shenanigans, as we all know I have been acting out in an attempt to get my pets’ attention. My newest trick is making a break for it every time that front door opens! I stand at the top of the staircase with that I’m-going-to-bolt-if-you-make-one-false-move look, and those predictable pets of mine come charging at me, which in turn, sends me into panic mode. At this point, I realize I am in big trouble, therefore I keep running in an attempt to avoid any consequences involving my bad decisions. Now, I have to tell you, this apartment complex is enormous, which allows me to basically disappear if I want to. However, I’m not really running away; I’m just teaching those little bastards a lesson, despite the colossal amount of trouble I will be in. So, I’m bookin’ it all the way past the tennis courts and through the office, when I suddenly have a Pepé Le Pew moment. The most beautiful little baby Husky caught my eye, and I was immediately drawn to her gorgeous mane. Naturally, I stopped right in my tracks and seductively galloped over to Hussy, the Husky (I’m not sure what her real name is, but I have named her “Hussy” in my head, so let’s just go with that). We began the customary bum-sniffing routine, and I was rounding first base when Pet #2 abruptly snatched me up and away from Hussy. What a buzzkill! Due to my bad behavior, I’ve been banned to my “apartment” within an apartment every time my pets open the front door. Oddly enough, I’m content with the decision because the downtime allows me to relive that moment with Hussy over and over again in my tiny, lima-bean-sized brain. Love is in the air!

I TOLD YOU SO!

This is how I show Pet #1 how I REALLY feel! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!!!!

Well, well, well… What did I tell you?! Pet #1 got a promotion and is neglecting my blog! Who does she think she is? All I have to say to this one is: Pet #2 is now my favorite. He’s been paying way more attention to me and I’m even thinking about asking him to be my webmaster. How do you like them apples?! The past two days have been rather peachy, despite Pet #1’s omission from my life. I had no idea that Pet #2 could be so loving. We played Call of Duty, watched various television shows, and ate lots of junk foods (He’s not usually this lazy, I swear! Those were his days off). I have also been acting out lately, just to stick it to Pet #1! And because I want her attention, of course! Who doesn’t crave their mother’s love? Pet #1 has the next two days off work, so I’m hoping we can finally finish the last season of Gossip Girl. Next show on our list: Modern Family. You know, it wouldn’t kill her to watch some Animal Planet every now and then. Afterall, there are two of us in this relationship!!! Ugh, she’s so selfish… I see I went on another rant, and I must apologize for my terrible manners. I just get so worked up sometimes. Anywho, I would like to address the issue regarding Howard and his distaste for the limelight. Apparently, he is very uncomfortable with the idea of being written about publicly on a blog, however the First Amendment protects my rights to do so. I cannot, however, take pictures of him while he’s sleeping. I believe that is considered voyeurism and I’m fairly certain that is illegal (voyeurism, because Howard is always in the nude… Don’t ask). So, once again, I sincerely apologize for the lack of Howard photos. Perhaps when he renews his lease, I can include a clause about needing pictures of my tenants for personal use only…