Chicken Bones, New Additions, & Jubilees

Pet #1 and me at my grandpets’ house

Sleeping in Pet #1’s purse… Driving makes me sleepy!

Hello, Winston watchers… If there are any still out there! Life has been extremely chaotic, with chicken bone scares and the anticipation of a new cousin. I was, however, able to visit my canine friends up north last weekend and it was quite a doozy, per usual. We barked, played, fought over rawhides, and overall, made a lot of mischief. My grandpets are still recovering, from what I hear. But the real reason for our adventure was to spend time with Auntie Em and the tea-cup human growing inside of her! I must admit that I’m a tad bit jealous of baby Rosalie. I would give my favorite hump toy to feel that cozy again! But I digress… Moving along to more newsworthy information, I ate an entire chicken wing and scared the poop out of my pets. I was constipated for two days, but I didn’t let the splintering bones travelling through my tiny body bring me down. I remained the same, hyper pup I have always been and I digested every last bone. My doctor likes to call me “the canine garbage disposal” because I try to eat just about everything with a scent including, but not limited to: band-aids, q-tips, toilet paper, plastic, popsicle sticks, and lots of hair. I’m genuinely surprised that I don’t cough

Uncle Skippy AKA “antique puppy” — he’s at least 16 years old!

Piggy-back ride on Pet #2

Snoozing with Pet#1

up hairballs with the excessive amounts of both my own hair and my pets’ hair that I ingest. Apparently, brother Bentley is the same way. Now, on to the next topic because I’ve gotten a lot of flack from my dog friends about this: Why wasn’t I present at The Queen’s Diamond Jubilee? Well, I was invited, just so we’re clear. We all know that she nursed me back to health from her own bosom and subsequently knighted me. We are still extremely close and exchanged emails throughout the entire celebration, but for those of you non-believers: “Congrats, Elizabeth! I wish I could have been with you during this special time. Love Always, Sir Winston Talbott I” (She absolutely hates to be called “Liz,” just like my own mother.) Anywho, the reason I was not in attendance was because I’m not old enough to travel alone and my pets had to work. So, please stop giving me guff about it!

 

Winston vs. Mr. & Mrs. Roach

Sometimes I sleep in the laundry basket… That way I can scare off intruders who try and enter the closet!

Hello, Winstonians. I apologize for my brief absence. The only one to blame is Pet #1 for being irresponsible, as I have been bombarding her with new ideas for my blog for nearly 2 weeks! If only I could type… I suppose the last couple of weeks haven’t been very exciting anyway. My family up in “the big city” is itching to see me because I’ve missed some pretty big events in their lives (I’m talking to you, Joshua and Jason– Congrats on such a great season)! We fully intend on coming up in the near future and we can only imagine the adventures that will follow. Enough with the boring stuff and onto the exciting tiff between the vicious cockroach(es) and yours truly. Only one man made it out alive and judging by the fact that I’m telling this story, it’s safe to assume that would be me. Anyway, Pet #2 decided to do a little spring cleaning in Pet #1’s closet (while she was at work, mind you). I knew she would be pretty miffed that we were pilfering through her beloved articles of clothing, but someone had to do the job. Upon our closet raid, we discovered Mr. & Mrs. Cock A. Roach. It appeared that the couple had set up shop in Pet #1’s closet. They made a bed in one of her shoes and had probably been surviving on that piece of string cheese she left in her purse 2 years ago. Thank heavens that we found them before they had decided to procreate, but I digress. After seeing such a monstrosity, I immediately went into attack mode. I am the only creature living in this joint and by golly, I will do anything to keep it that way! As soon as the happy couple realized that we had discovered their humble abode (complete with home furnishings, such as a chaise lounge and coffee table made out of various articles of clothing and shoes), they went on the offensive and charged me! I wrangled them into the corner and pierced their miniature ears with my wailing howls. My clamor couldn’t hold them in the corner for much longer and I looked to Pet #2 for backup. He was standing behind me with a can of Raid, cocked and pointed at the couple. “Winston, back away,” he calmly demanded. In that moment, I so badly wanted to be the hero, but this fight was just too big for me. I retreated to the kitchen to watch from the wings as Pet #2 doused the evil pair to their deaths. And to answer the question in all of your heads, yes. We have since been exterminated and are looking forward to living in a pest-free home.

Sir Winston “Speedy Gonzales” Talbott

Who is this crazy lady?! Oh, I forgot...

Hello, Winstonians! We’re literally days away from the big Chihuahua Race! Here in our neck of the woods, we’re pretty excited! How about you? I’ve been extensively training with Pet #2 and I believe that I’m ready to kick those other dogs’ fannies! Here’s the plan for the big race:

Pet #2 will be releasing me. This means he will be pumping me up with positive feedback and coaching me through this. A few “the chubby white chihuahua plays dirty, so if he tries to cut you off, run on the inside of the skinny black chihuahua”or “there will be females in heat and they know they can use it to their advantage. No matter what they try, Winston, do not stop running. Do not mount the other chihuahuas.” Following Pet #2’s sweet nothings, he will pour water on my face, just like the movies, of course, and subsequently remove my robe. I also imagine there will be an announcer who will nickname me Sir Winston “Speedy Gonzales” Talbott. We’ll hear a roar of laughter from the crowd at his clever attempt to somehow tie my Mexican roots into my nickname. After the crowd dies down, the gun will fire and off we will go! Pet #1 will be waiving a treat in the air at the finish line, doing everything in her power to lure me as quickly as possible. “TREAT!!! TREEEEEAAAAATTTT!!!!!,” her tiny lungs will scream. I will react as I typically do, and run like the wind! Repeat this scenario multiple times as I win each heat, and that’s exactly how this day will turn out. I will win that Golden Chihuahua… And if I don’t, my pets better buy me one.

The Golden Chihuahua

Pawing at my cherry eye... Don't look at meeee!

Hello, Winstonians! I have both good and bad news…Let’s get the bad news out of the way. My “cherry eye” is back, which means that I probably need to have surgery. I’m not in pain or anything, but it is quite irritating to have a huge lump blocking my enormous eyeball. Now, the good news! And let me tell you, it’s exciting! On Cinco de Mayo, I will be participating in the 5th Annual Chihuahua Races! Pet #1’s boss was finally good for something when he informed her of said event this evening. We’re all signed up and training starts tomorrow! We will be doing intense sprints throughout the complex as well as weight training with rawhide bones (cue “The Eye of the Tiger” music). I will prevail! I have no doubt in my mind that I can beat out all of those other wimpy pups and bring home the coveted “Golden Chihuahua!” The only downfall is that one of the prizes is obedience lessons! Apparently they haven’t met me yet because I am clearly the most well-mannered Chihuahua in the world, although my pets would disagree. Anyhow, wish me luck! I will keep you all updated on my training!

My intimidation stare... Don't mess with the best!

The Attempted Murder of Sir Winston Talbott

Soaking wet after Pet #1 let me walk into the jacuzzi!

The past week has been quite interesting, to say the least. I’m completely convinced that Pet #1 is planning my demise and I have sufficient evidence to back this theory up. We all know about the beef jerky incident, but it didn’t end there… What was supposed to be a fun weekend with my furry canine friends in the big city turned into a near death experience. Pet #1 and Auntie Em were watching my cousins swim, but this whole “swimming” thing was undiscovered territory for me. Although I was still on my leash, I walked right into the jacuzzi! My entire body was immediately engulfed in water and I had no idea what to do. Thank GOD my puppy instincts kicked in and I began to paddle my little legs. Pet #1 pulled me

Playing with Uncle Frances

out right away, but it could have easily just been for show. After all, there were several witnesses present. She let me enjoy the rest of our time in the “big city” with my buddies, but nearly 48 hours later, she was at it again. For reasons beyond my knowledge, Pet #1 decided it would be a good idea to clip my nails (which, mind you, are my only weapon of defense). She clipped one nail successfully; probably to make me feel at ease and safe in her arms before she attempted to take my life, yet again. I honestly didn’t even feel the second clip, but I certainly saw the aftermath of it. I couldn’t believe my tiny bug eyes! I was gushing blood out of my nail and I had no idea why because I hadn’t felt a thing (or at least that’s what I led her to believe since I didn’t even make a peep or show any signs of distress). Pet #1, on the

...After the nail finally stopped bleeding

other hand, reacted much differently. She began crying hysterically and clutching my little paw for dear life–definitely not the actions of a murderess. At that point, I realized that this was an accident and it probably hurt her more than it hurt me. But I’m still going to milk  this for all it’s worth! She’s been overly affectionate and very generous with the dog treats after this incident, and I would like to keep it that way.  I did, however, reap the ultimate revenge by bleeding all over her white shirt, so she probably won’t be trying any more funny business!

Easter Eggstravaganza

Hello, Winston Watchers! I have a sad, cautionary tale to share with you this evening. I just caught wind of some devastating news, however it does have a happy ending. I must begin by saying that I am in no way stereotyping the vicious pit bull breed. I am just shedding light on a sad situation that occurred today and hit a little too close to home. Anywho, onto the story. My baby brother, Bentley, was minding his own business today. He just moved into a new abode and is still getting to know his canine neighbors. While exchanging what was thought to be a friendly bum-sniffing hello, a pit bull attacked little peanut-sized Bentley! According to sources, the pit bull had his entire head in its’ mouth. And said pit bull’s pets claim that she terrorizes miniature dogs all the time, “but it’s ok because she never locks her jaw.” It’s ok?! Umm, no, it certainly is not ok to let your dog bully other dogs! I’m really peeved about this and I hope that the pit bull stops pulverizing tiny dogs. And for those wondering if Bentley made it out alive, he did! That Bentley sure is a scrappy fella! He definitely came out on top! That being said, I’m excited to see my friends this weekend for Easter! I sure do miss Abby, Skippy, Doodle, Frances, Pixie, and my beloved Bentley! Word on the street is the pets are going to do an Easter egg hunt just for the pups! And get this, they’re rumored to be filled with treats!! One can only hope this is true.

Skinny Winny

Disclaimer: That isn't me on those earrings, however the resemblance is uncanny! (Earrings are available for purchase on etsy.com, for those of you interested)

Hello, everyone! I must start off with a sincere apology regarding the negligence of my blog. My pets have been very consumed with their own lives lately and have put me on the back burner. Well, not me, per say, but my blog. Anywho, Grandpet #1 is getting married next week and I’m really excited to see all of my dog friends. I truly miss them all so dearly…except for Abby (Grandpet #1’s lover’s Pomeranian, if that makes sense). She always has ner nose turned up at something. I have been dabbling in yoga in an attempt to shed some lbs. for the big wedding next week, although it has certainly been a failed attempt! My pets have been bribing me with more treats than usual due to my unprovoked outbursts. And seeing as how the neighbor has it out for me, they are constantly trying to shush me with various edible payoffs. Don’t they realize that rewarding bad behavior only leads to more acting out? Perhaps they should enroll me in obedience school… And that’s saying a lot coming from me.

Love is in the Air

My grandpet sent me this for Valentine's Day! I think it truly captures the essence of our home!

Hello, Winstonians! Happy Valentine’s Day to you all! I am so thrilled to announce that I am back in business, sans cherry eye. Thank goodness because I have a hot date with a pretty, young Corgi! She is in heat and I smell her intoxicating scent every time I go on a walk. It has been driving me crazy, and tomorrow, I plan on getting her alone, if you know what I mean ;). Her pets don’t make her walk on a leash, so the ball is in my court. I have to either a.) wait for my pets to open the front door and make a break for it, or b.) shimmy out of my collar during one of my walks. And you and I both know that I am an expert at either or. I’m not worried about my pets punishing me as much as I am about said Corgi’s dad… I suppose I should make a pro/con list regarding the possible consequences of my actions.

Pros: I will finally get what I have been smelling for oh-so-long, I might get a relationship out of this and possibly a family?

Cons: I’m still a baby, myself! I’m not ready to be a dad! Chloe’s (that’s the Corgi’s name) dad will beat me and then force me into marrying her, I’m clearly too young to be tied down, I’m not ready to get my heart broken.

Ok, ladies and gentlemen. I now realize that I am not ready to make this kind of commitment and will not be following through with any previously mentioned plans involving Chloe the Corgi. But a pup can certainly dream! I already asked Pet #1 to be my Valentine anyway. This means I will be receiving a lovely gift from her, hence why I asked her to be my Valentine.

Happy Birthday to ME!

Look at that smile! Nothing can bring me down on my birthday!

Hello, Winstonites! How was your Super Bowl Sunday? I must tell you that I had quite an eventful day planned with Pet #1, but her undying love and devotion to her career has, once again, overridden our beautiful plans together. I only hope she realizes that our time together is limited. However, I won’t let that ruin the fact that today is my 1st birthday and who knows how long I will be around? That’s 7 in dog years! I’m a full blown second grader now, and next year I will be a teenager! Pet #1 used to document my every move (she has every single one of my baby teeth in a jar–creepy much?) and now she’s barely home long enough to read me a bedtime story and tuck me in. Despicable… I have a few choice words for her managers, but I digress. This should be a happy time, as today is such a big milestone in my life. I wish I could be with my brother, Bentley, on our special day! So, happy birthday to both of us on this special day! I can’t wait to tell you all what my pets get me for my birthday!!

Sibling Sound Off

Whaaat?! The coffee table is prime time sunbathing area nowadays! Notice my curly, pig tail?

‘Ello, love! Winston, here. I’ve been enjoying a lovely couple of days with an extended amount of freedom. My time in my “apartment” is seldom, and while I do enjoy the life as a pup on the go, I also miss my dear friend, Howard (one of Mr. Popper’s penguins for you, newbies), and his antics. You see, Pet #2 has been home the past two days for his weekly time off and I have had no boundaries, whatsoever. I have certainly decided who the “fun” parent is… Although I get frightened when  he yells at me because his voice is much deeper than Pet #1’s soft, whisper-like scolding. I hope my pets never get divorced, as that would turn into a nasty custody battle over who would get the golden child (me, of course, even though I don’t have any siblings… yet). Which brings me to my next discussion: My first birthday is right around the corner–February 6th! And for my birthday, I would like a baby brother or sister to share my “apartment” within my pets’ apartment with. Now, I have to tell you that I have struggled with this decision for a while, but seeing my real brother, Bentley, really puts things into perspective. I have made a pro/con list regarding the possibility of a sibling.

Pros: Permanent playmate, a new bum to sniff, someone to nurture, a built-in best friend.

Cons: Sharing my pets, sharing my toys, sharing my food/water, sharing my treats, sharing my bed, sharing ATTENTION, sharing in general, the possibility that my pets won’t love me anymore, sharing HOWARD… Should I even continue this list? Clearly, this is an awful idea, and who am I kidding? I don’t think I will ever be able to give up the role as the prodigal son. LONG LIVE THE GOLDEN CHILD!