The Attempted Murder of Sir Winston Talbott

Soaking wet after Pet #1 let me walk into the jacuzzi!

The past week has been quite interesting, to say the least. I’m completely convinced that Pet #1 is planning my demise and I have sufficient evidence to back this theory up. We all know about the beef jerky incident, but it didn’t end there… What was supposed to be a fun weekend with my furry canine friends in the big city turned into a near death experience. Pet #1 and Auntie Em were watching my cousins swim, but this whole “swimming” thing was undiscovered territory for me. Although I was still on my leash, I walked right into the jacuzzi! My entire body was immediately engulfed in water and I had no idea what to do. Thank GOD my puppy instincts kicked in and I began to paddle my little legs. Pet #1 pulled me

Playing with Uncle Frances

out right away, but it could have easily just been for show. After all, there were several witnesses present. She let me enjoy the rest of our time in the “big city” with my buddies, but nearly 48 hours later, she was at it again. For reasons beyond my knowledge, Pet #1 decided it would be a good idea to clip my nails (which, mind you, are my only weapon of defense). She clipped one nail successfully; probably to make me feel at ease and safe in her arms before she attempted to take my life, yet again. I honestly didn’t even feel the second clip, but I certainly saw the aftermath of it. I couldn’t believe my tiny bug eyes! I was gushing blood out of my nail and I had no idea why because I hadn’t felt a thing (or at least that’s what I led her to believe since I didn’t even make a peep or show any signs of distress). Pet #1, on the

...After the nail finally stopped bleeding

other hand, reacted much differently. She began crying hysterically and clutching my little paw for dear life–definitely not the actions of a murderess. At that point, I realized that this was an accident and it probably hurt her more than it hurt me. But I’m still going to milk  this for all it’s worth! She’s been overly affectionate and very generous with the dog treats after this incident, and I would like to keep it that way.  I did, however, reap the ultimate revenge by bleeding all over her white shirt, so she probably won’t be trying any more funny business!

Skinny Winny

Disclaimer: That isn't me on those earrings, however the resemblance is uncanny! (Earrings are available for purchase on etsy.com, for those of you interested)

Hello, everyone! I must start off with a sincere apology regarding the negligence of my blog. My pets have been very consumed with their own lives lately and have put me on the back burner. Well, not me, per say, but my blog. Anywho, Grandpet #1 is getting married next week and I’m really excited to see all of my dog friends. I truly miss them all so dearly…except for Abby (Grandpet #1’s lover’s Pomeranian, if that makes sense). She always has ner nose turned up at something. I have been dabbling in yoga in an attempt to shed some lbs. for the big wedding next week, although it has certainly been a failed attempt! My pets have been bribing me with more treats than usual due to my unprovoked outbursts. And seeing as how the neighbor has it out for me, they are constantly trying to shush me with various edible payoffs. Don’t they realize that rewarding bad behavior only leads to more acting out? Perhaps they should enroll me in obedience school… And that’s saying a lot coming from me.

Love is in the Air

My grandpet sent me this for Valentine's Day! I think it truly captures the essence of our home!

Hello, Winstonians! Happy Valentine’s Day to you all! I am so thrilled to announce that I am back in business, sans cherry eye. Thank goodness because I have a hot date with a pretty, young Corgi! She is in heat and I smell her intoxicating scent every time I go on a walk. It has been driving me crazy, and tomorrow, I plan on getting her alone, if you know what I mean ;). Her pets don’t make her walk on a leash, so the ball is in my court. I have to either a.) wait for my pets to open the front door and make a break for it, or b.) shimmy out of my collar during one of my walks. And you and I both know that I am an expert at either or. I’m not worried about my pets punishing me as much as I am about said Corgi’s dad… I suppose I should make a pro/con list regarding the possible consequences of my actions.

Pros: I will finally get what I have been smelling for oh-so-long, I might get a relationship out of this and possibly a family?

Cons: I’m still a baby, myself! I’m not ready to be a dad! Chloe’s (that’s the Corgi’s name) dad will beat me and then force me into marrying her, I’m clearly too young to be tied down, I’m not ready to get my heart broken.

Ok, ladies and gentlemen. I now realize that I am not ready to make this kind of commitment and will not be following through with any previously mentioned plans involving Chloe the Corgi. But a pup can certainly dream! I already asked Pet #1 to be my Valentine anyway. This means I will be receiving a lovely gift from her, hence why I asked her to be my Valentine.