Cinco de Mayo Chihuahua Races

TEAM WINSTON

Ladies and gentleman, I regret to inform you that my races did not go as I had expected… The following is a play-by-play of my experience.

9:55a.m. We arrive at the park that is hosting the Chihuahua Races and check in. I’m in the second heat, so we don’t have much time to warm up.

9:57a.m. I urinate on a man in a wheel chair.

10:00a.m. The first heat races and we watch from the sidelines.

10:01a.m. I provoke a massive pitbull and scare my pets half to death.

Pet #2 and me at the starting line

10:03a.m. Pet #2 holds me at the starting line, while crazy Pet #1 is flailing about a few yards away. I’m distracted by her odd behavior and her ridiculous outfit.

10:04a.m. A new distraction… I begin flirting with the girl next to me, but both of our pets are holding us, so all we can do is wiggle in their arms.

10:05a.m. GOOOOOO! I hear Pet #1 yelling my name, but all I want to do is sniff this girl’s bum. We follow each other in circles, as the rest of the chihuahuas cross the finish line. Finally, my girlfriend and I make it across, but we didn’t qualify for the next round.

10:07a.m. Pet #1 is a sore loser and cries over the loss. “I was so sure he’d win,” she says repeatedly, shaking her head.

10:08a.m. I urinate on an innocent man propped against a tree.  Pet #1 quickly tries to reassure the man by saying, “he’s never done this before! I’m so embarassed.” Pet #2 has to turn away to stifle his erratic giggles.

As you can see, this day certainly did not go as planned. It only lasted a measly 10 minutes, but the babes made it worthwhile! And not to mention, I was the cutest dog there… However, I assure you that I’m just getting warmed up… We’ll get ’em next year!

Don’t Take Candy/Beef Jerky from Strangers

I'm so sick, I can't even keep my peepers open!

Tummy aches make it hard for me to sit up straight.

Hello Winstonians! The past two days have been absolutely miserable for me. I got into something I wasn’t supposed to and now my belly is suffering the consequences. To be completely honest, I may be considered a cannibal now, but I digress. Two nights ago, Pet #1 came home with a suspicious ziplock bag of “home-made” beef jerky (but really, it looked like owl pellets, almost fur-like). She bought it from the Fed Ex delivery man at her work under the false pretense that he, himself, had made the beef jerky. Now, I have to tell you that this mysterious ziplock bag has been driving me crazy–the smell, alone sends me into a frenzy! Yesterday morning, the baggy was finally within my reach and I did what any curious Chihuahua would do; I ripped it open with my teeth and devoured as much as possible while Pet #1 chased me in circles around the coffee table. I didn’t eat as much as I would have liked, but I had just enough to make me want it even more. And human food has never made me feel so alive! I whined and pawed at the table that was housing the coveted beef jerky to no avail. About 30 minutes later, I gave up and

Burrowed in my pillow fortress.

forgot about the wonderfully delicious bag of salty goodness… Until later that night. I began feeling sick and not like my usual, spry self. I was sleeping in laundry baskets and finding hidden areas to do my business when I typically wait for my W-A-L-K-S (my pets spell everything out, as if I’m a two-year-old child. Hello?! I write my own blog!). This behavior went on all day today as well. I have a horrible tummy ache and I’m even making audible flatulence, which is so not like me! Anywho, Pet #1 had a little “chat” with Mr. Fed Ex about the beef jerky and apparently he LIED! After dodging all of her questions, he finally admitted to buying the jerky in bulk from my homeland, Mexico. And this means that we don’t really know what kind of animals or chemicals were used in the making of the ingested beef jerky, so I may or may not be a cannibal now. I realize that this all sounds extremely shady, but in Pet #1’s defense, she knows the guy fairly well and she thought he was the one making it! And she actually saved me from eating a lot more. It’s not like she was slipping me Chihuahua jerky in my food bowl! So, I vote to give her a break on this one and take the blame, myself.